It has been 4 years I got married. One child, 2 years old. I work, my husband also works. We are both based. Back home at 4 pm, and he's more night, after or before maghrib. But it still makes us always to communicate, I do not ignore it, he could not ignore. My problem was just one, sometimes I feel tired.
Why tired? Is not the existing house maid, who also keep and care for my child? Yes. I mean here is that I'm tired of feeling alone in this household. My husband was too independent. He never felt any difficulty.
If returned, he would play for a while with my son, talking or dinner, and too late in the study. Until morning. And always I was alone, watching television, talking with the maid. Then sleep. Sometimes I remind him to sleep, but he is busy with the drafting table.
Without being felt, already 4 years old so. Nearly four years we never went to bed together. Also built together. I wake him when it will go, because I came in at 7 am, he could at 8. So hold. Scheduled. Sometimes, the night he woke me, because he wanted to "making out". And then I fell asleep again.
I felt it was normal at first. But, when hanging out with friends, and hear their stories a full picture of her husband and family, I began to feel there is something wrong.
I'm so aware, how I move myself, husband bertidan own. Problem of water, electricity, paid helpers, household expenses, husband never knew. True he's always giving enough spending money. I mean, she never knew how much all that. He never knows whether the phone has been paid, electricity has matured, assistant to the bonus or not. All of my business. He does not know the price of my milk, toys, clothes prices too. Like me, too, who did not know what the price of cell phone, a computer in the den, as well as laptop. I also do not know the price of shoes, how do car loans, home loans, and others. All taken care of her husband.
I find this strange. Feeling weird after I know, that does not have to be running the household. There should be one master, so that the direction remains unclear.
Which reminds me, that I never asked for making out first. And I know now, it's unnatural. I always wait, sometimes while nodding off, until he woke me up, to make love. I've never been the subject of our marital relationship, but the object. If my husband needs me to be prepared.
I realize now, I also never again orgasm after childbirth. And I know it's also not true. During this time I accept that, as part of fungsiku as a wife. Originally husband satisfied, stretch-stretch above tbuhku, I felt happy and satisfied. I'm glad to make him so. That's my way to continue mencintanya. Terkata, from my friends, is wrong. I should also get the same thing. My husband also should provide that, as the task of love.
During this time, she never knew my salary, and I did not tell him. I assume it does not matter. But now I know, my husband should ask and appreciate my salary. I remember, during the time he was never praised me. It had never complimented me. It's crazy. I dress up, wear new clothes, shoes, and even buy clothes for my son, yes yes, true, he never praised. Just look at it.
I became aware, that my husband has never really entered my life. It's never ending, related, together. My business is my own business. Miraculous. Yes yes, he never even knew that my niece has increased, and was shocked when he realized. He did not protest when the maid kuganti. He did not feel strange with home furnishings that arrangement changed. My husband did not seem to notice. Or he did not see the importance of all those changes.
Yes, yes, now kudasari, our peace is not a natural thing. Very very unnatural. Not a great loneliness. We never fight not because of mutual understanding. Precisely because we were never together. We do not fight because our interests have never rub. He was in his world, I'm in my world. Crazy, this is really crazy. It's kind of what the household? This is not how to love like that I want!
I tried to bring our world. In vain. My husband is not to engage or be involved. He belongs to the world, I belong to my world. I remember, even though he never asked the SMS that I received, I got teleponm. I thought it was because he believed. But no, I realize now, was not believed. That's a sign he did not care. I got a call the middle of the night, he was not disturbed. Yes, that's a sign that he did not care.
My God, my household actually from what was built? On top of what kind of foundation? Why I did not realize it, and feel all safe, peaceful, tranquil? Why I now open, and feel how my life is so flat, tired, and boring? Why do I feel tired to be his wife?
Am I asking too much? It was not? I just want us to engage one another, she's in my world, I was there in her world. I just want menjadkan us as a team, who can give and share, rather than with a kind of division that we live this. Was I wrong hoping to go to bed together, cuddled, and then wake up to eat together? Is that demands making it up?
Lord, help me overcome this fatigue, I'll continue to be the wife under any circumstances, let me to continue to save this household.
